I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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