am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize