I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
