My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
