I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
