I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
