I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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