At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
