you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
