Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
