after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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