Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
