mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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