you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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