feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
