Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
