I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
