worst night to have a conscience
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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