Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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