Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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