I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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