I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
