Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You don't make any sense
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