i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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