dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
