I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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