3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
