Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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