Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
