do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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