can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
