I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
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