do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
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He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
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How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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