Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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