I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
