it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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