WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
