You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
