It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
