Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
