moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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