There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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