; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
