it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
