TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
