I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
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i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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