I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
