Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
