I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
