It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
