I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
