Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
