i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
