I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
