Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
