woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
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he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
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Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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