can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
