Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
