Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
