weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
