She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
