Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you win again, gameday.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
