god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
