I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
