so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
