spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
